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i've been doing a lot of crying since the past month. no, my life is not falling apart or anything as dramatic as that but there are certain things i actually NEED to cry about - otherwise i'll go crazy from the whole keeping up a brave front shit. i'm just not built that way. what i do is i cry and when i've let it all out, i move on to the feeling better part of my depression.

first time i broke down last august was about something so irrelevant but it just pissed me off soooo much. thanks korina for listening to that one (in the middle of your newscast at that!) and for UNDERSTANDING. potah not many people would. and that is why you will forever be on my speed dial. thanks friend.

second time was with noi at the gazebo. i was just telling him how tired i was and how sleep-deprived i am for over a month already (2 to 3 hours average) and before i knew it, i was really sobbing. noi has always been my comfort person. i never feel the need to edit or refine my words when i talk to him because he always sees the bigger picture --- past the language and gestures used. i super love you LF.

third was with noi again just last friday (sorry umaabuso na ako LF). and just now, i realize i'm really blogging about this because i'm not over the last crying session. i'm still really really depressed about last friday and i don't think i will snap out of it soon.

when miranda priestly left the program almost two years ago, i really felt like i lost a part of me. i could not imagine IMB life without her. but thank god she never really left. she is still a constant figure in both my personal and professional life.

now i'm really okay and super duper loving the "new mom" ms. N sent our way but i've been told she has to leave too. and we were only told yesterday, just 3 days before. it was just a shock for me and i was really speechless. i remember looking at mommy danz, daddy juni,and noi and they were just as mute as i was. it was just soooo sudden and no matter how many times you say it, a goodbye can never be a proper goodbye especially if it has to be done in 3 days. exactly on my birthday. haaay. i've never been a birthday person. as in i don't mind if i have a shoot that day, if i have to edit or what. i just like taking advantage of vond and my friends for the gift-giving part but aside from that, it was never a big production for me. just like any ordinary day. but now i will always remember my birthday as "that day". and it's making me sad all over again.

I WILL MISS THE "ATE-FIGURE", MENTOR, AND FRIEND THAT SHE HAS BECOME. AND EVEN IF SHE'S STILL IN THAT CUBE ACROSS OURS, I KNOW THINGS WON'T BE THE SAME.

i will miss mama lani too. super. ibang level ang pasensya niya

miranda priestly once told me and koryn that we're at work to really work - and the having friends part is just a bonus. still, i can't help but be sad...